I was driving to nowhere on a cold night, speeding up the highway, going where the wind would take me. In those days I was young and sad, looking for something beyond my bleak state of existence. I wanted to have it all but a part of me strived to lose it all. As I neared a cold lane by the end of the highway, thoughts of escaping flew in like a stampede into my mind. "Now is the perfect time," I murmured to myself, my words being washed by the loud industrial music. I drove into the lane and I could feel I was driving into a black pit, I was driving into the jaw of the darkest animal, the willows on either side were closing in on me and the only light came from the car's headlights. Suddenly the lane came to an abrupt end, and I could make out the silhouette of a dense forest just beyond the fence. I wanted to go away at once, the madness of it was overwhelming and I quickly realized I was too scared to face my fears. I wanted to escape but I couldn't do it, because deep down, under the layers of silent suffering, I was also satisfied, albeit it was just a modicum of satisfaction, it was real. Right then, tears poured from my eyes, unabated, flooding my cheeks like streams of melancholia. "Who am I?", I wondered. It was like delving deep into someone else's worse nightmare and getting lost in it. I had no idea what I wanted but somehow I thought I wanted to be alone but now that I was alone, I wanted to run away from the darkness. I pondered that thought for a while and I came to the conclusion that maybe it was the darkness that put me off. After all, phobias can be quite demotivating and can cloud your judgement. It was a long time ago but I still remember that night quite vividly. I was so young, my mind was alight, my soul was in the direst pain and my woe had taken the life away from me. It's something that I can't comprehend, I cannot, for the life of me, understand how I could give in to my emotions when I was so emotionally pristine. It's one of those stark contradictions and it still reminds me of that darkness. How I loathe that darkness, it eats you up and it spits you out vehemently, as if the only satisfaction it derives from you is your misery. I was in the car, crying my lungs out in the middle of nowhere when the phone suddenly rang. It was my boyfriend calling for gazillionth time in the night. I picked it up, I had no other choice, the weight of the loneliness was too heavy to bear. "Hey darling," I whispered in a cranky voice. "Where have you been ? Have you been crying ?," he sounded rather worried, it made me cry even louder. "I'm in the middle of nowhere and I feel so lonely! If only you were here right now! There are so many things that I need to tell you, I really need you to know them." "Calm down, I'll see you tomorrow, babe. Go home, your parents must be worried." "That's all you care about," I took his advice of going home as utter apathy, I was crying my lungs out and all he had to say was that I needed to shut the fuck up and drive back home, although it was quite apparent that I wasn't in the right state of mind to heed his advice. I cut his call and I weighed in on my choices for the night. On the one hand, I didn't want to home, and on the other, there was no place else I could go. I could sleep in my car, in the middle of nowhere, but I'd seen too many horror movies to not dread the worst rape and murder scenario. So finally, when some sense finally kicked in, I turned the vehicle around and drove up the lane that had engulfed me into utter darkness. I was back on the highway and it was a very lethargic night, it was 1 am in the morning and I was listening to Nine Inch Nails and ruminating on my deep sorrow when it occurred to me that I truly needed a drink. Not that I was an alcoholic, it was just one of those things that could alleviate the pain on a night like this. I drove to the only place I knew I could get free booze at this most unusual time, my friend Joe's place. He was divorced and a raging alcoholic, and I suspected he was still up watching one of his depressing shows. I was evidently right, it was so weird, kind of like he was expecting me as he just showed up at the door while I was parking the car. He was a rather tall man, of stocky frame and he had a military face and a perfectly bald head. His eyes were rather red, most probably due to his perennial inebriation. He invited me in with a nod, and I followed him quietly to the kitchen. I sat by the dining table while he poured me a drink. I will never forget the first words he uttered. It still gives me the creeps. "So you go there when you're sad too," he said in an air of nonchalance. I nearly jumped out of my seat and he burst out laughing. "Ataraxia, we call it." "What? Do you know where I've been?," I pressed on. My heart was leaping out of my chest, there was something unnatural in the air and I could feel it. "I know where you are, all the time, even now," he snickered as he said so. I was livid. He could see it on my face and right then, he left whatever he was doing and he got down on his knee, looked me in the eye, and I could feel the trepidation, I could feel something was about to happen. "What do you want, don-," He shut my mouth with his, there was a vengeful lust in him that I'd never ever felt before Suddenly I was on top of him, my body clinging to his in the midst of a forgotten passion, he wouldn't let go, then, at that precise moment, I truly wanted to get away. I pulled myself away from his strong arms and I was flabbergasted when I saw that he'd torn my top open. He looked rather indifferent but his expression changed when he saw I was fuming. His aggressiveness obliterated, and he was the same old Joe again. "What do you want ?," I asked, my nostrils were flaring and all, but that was for maximum effect. I wasn't truly mad, I was just caught off guard by his sudden male dominance. "I want to fuck you in the ass," he said and his eyes weren't lying, I could see the thirst in his eyes, his red eyes that I wanted to gouge out. But first, I wanted him to penetrate me from behind, because well he asked for it politely. It's not that I was horny or anything, I just had nowhere else to go and I didn't want to disappoint a dear friend who was kind enough to let me in, in those dark times of self loathing and unmitigated scourge. So basically he fucked me in the ass, and that was a night I will always remember. I still haven't asked him how he knew about my little trip to the forest to this day.
Nancy Jones - Putrid She stepped out of the shower, grabbed her robe from the hanger and sloppily huddled into it. Her damp skin shivered as the cold cloth rubbed against her thighs, she ushered into her room, startled by the blurry voices in the Industrial track that was left playing. She opened her laptop and proceeded to open her email when the phone rang. 'Nancy darling, hello, it's Dad' 'Hi dad, mom is out..', she replied in a coarse indifferent voice. 'I know, I wanted to talk to you,' he retorted, there was an urgency in his voice that she instantly took to loathe. 'I'm going to bed now, it's nearly 11 o'clock, don't call me again, goodnight.' She hung up, feeling pleased with how she handled the situation. It was an impetuous ritual; to shun him, to ignore him, until he would feel bad about leaving her and mother on their own, to marry his cheap gutter whore. It brought her some satistaction to know that their offspring had autism, although she felt bad about the kid being punished for the shenanigans of his parents. She had to get going, she disrobed and carefully took the clothes that were lying on her bed, the corset was glistening in the reddish light of her room. She stepped in front of the mirror, the reflection that she saw was enticing, she carefully spread her legs a little to devour her feminity which resided in her crotch. It was the only thing that she felt proud of, her body was indeed a temple, at 16 her bosom was more alluring than that of a cover model, her buttocks were more firm than chicks' in the porno flicks, and she knew how men drooled over her breasts. She could sense the carnal desire in them across the room, luring her to appease their sexual dilemma. They knew she was younger but they subconsciously evaded this subject, she looked like a woman ergo she was a woman. 'Looking at that body, even Jesus would have had a hard on.' Nancy hurriedly got dressed. 'Oh god, it's nearly 11.30, he will be angry, furious, revengeful.' The smile on her face was savage, her eyes squinted and she was breathing slowly. Even the thoughts of him were sensuous, she pictured her voluptuous body under his, and she smirked. 'I think I might be more perverted than he is.' The night breeze made her flowy hair look like a chasm of curls. The streets were empty, the street lights shone down on her, and she felt like a runway model. 'The Kate Moss of bondage.' She finally reached the apartment block. The excitement was building up inside her, she was invigorated, so turned on that she could feel the thread of her sexuality swirling down the spool. She knocked on his door twice. No answer. 'He is probably sleeping, he's such a lazy bear.' Ray was in his forties and he was recently divorced. They met at a night club, he was awkward, drunk and horny and she was feeling bored, naturally it was love at first sight. 'Hey Ray, it's me, open the door, I want you.' In a split second, the door opened, two hooded men yanked her inside and she was sobbing, profoundly. They pushed her down on the carpet and the taller guy grabbed her hair. She could hear him breathing. 'Ray is dead you whore. Bye bye birdy.' The gun went off instantly and her brain splattered all over all luxurious carpet. 'Damn Jack, this is so dirty, I ain't cleaning that shit up again, you do it now !' Nancy Jones -Prologue She slouched and sat on the beach, the scorching sun made her squint. She fumbled for her sunglasses in her huge Louis Vuitton bag to no avail. Draghixa was scampering towards her, her candid grey eyes shimmering like pearls and her olive brown hair was parted to her side. There were grains of sand on her knee caps, she bent over and sighed. 'This sun is brutal, I'm going back to the crib, I feel like my hair is literally torched.' She grinned and lay on her stomach. 'Really ? I remember a girl whining to her parents how celebrating her 16th birthday on the coastline would be memorable, you can at least try to have some fun. You've been sulky all day.' Nancy retorted. 'Yeah well, I didn't picture the idyllic escapade to the beach as this, my skin is so dry and that fucking sunscreen is useless! I'm going back to the hotel, I'll take a shower and I'll meet you at the lobby at 8 p.m sharp.' She got up and bent again to kiss Nancy on her forehead. 'Alright then...I'll meet you there, I really don't get how anyone can bail on such a good weather !' Nancy playfully replied. 'Oh whatever. See you later.' For her 16th birthday, Draghixa didn't fall short from asking her parents the most lavish gifts in the world but she thought it over, and made up her mind on spending the week end on the coast. Unlike her other friends who threw ostentatious parties, she was planning on something less than ephemeral and chose only one person as consort, her best friend. Nancy was an integral part of her life and she wanted her to know it. Her parents were flabber gasted when she presented her plans to them. 'Are you sure you want only one friend to come along honey? You have so many friends, you can invite them all if you want.' 'Mom, for the first time in my life, I want to spend quality time with my best friend, you know Nancy is the only person I can always fall back on, she never lets me down. The other girls they're just acquaintances, no one knows me like Nancy does.' 'Okay honey, just be careful and don't splurge on useless things.' Nancy was contemplating the flawless sky, the clouds were drifting away and she found herself immersed in the exuberance of the bluish canopy. She was caught off guard when a strange voice brought her back to reality. 'Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt, I'm really sorry if i'm a nuisance but I've noticed the book on your mat and I was wondering if I could borrow it. Umm actually we're staying in the same hotel, I saw you in the elevator this morning.' The stranger spoke in a weird Scottish accent. He looked like he was in his thirties, his piercing blue eyes made it difficult to look away. 'Oh sure, I finished reading it so you can keep it. I don't mind' 'Oh that's nice but I will return it to you as fast as I can, I just really like this author.' He smiled and his affable attitude pressed Nancy to know more about him. 'What is your name?' She casually asked. 'I'm Ewan, what about you?' 'I'm Nancy, pleased to meet you.' She smiled and she could feel his eyes scrutinizing every part of her body, she did not mind it, if her body was a treasure, she was a socialist and she would share it, she knew he was attracted to her, that was a cinch. 'Well Nancy, I hope to see you soon, I'm going back to the hotel and I think I might finish this book in a few hours, if you don't mind me asking, in what room are you staying?' 'Room 678, you can come by before 8 p.m.' 'Sure, see you then, thank you very much for the book.' He waved good bye and casually walked away. As she watched his silhouette fading away, she felt an ineffable surge of fatigue,she couldn't fight it, and she drifted off to sleep. It was 7.30 pm and there was a knock on the door. Draghixa was wearing a sequined party dress with a bare back. She had been drinking the complementary wine and had already finished half the bottle. She walked to the door trying desperately not to stumble and fall, her heels made her strut quite strenuous. She opened the door and was startled to see that it was not Nancy. The attractive stranger on the threshold was smiling at her and she found herself drowning in the ocean of his euphonious blue eyes. 'Hi I am Ewan, is Nancy there?' 'Uh no, sh-she is not here, I-I thought it was her that was knocking actually.' She was stuttering and her unabashed inebriation was showing. He grinned and Draghixa thought he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. 'Oh well she lent me her book at the beach, here it is, please tell her I said thanks.' His eyes were undressing Draghixa, there was suddenly a lustful ambience between them and it was just a matter time until one of them would succumb to it. 'Wh-What are you doing later on?' She replied, gazing into his vigorous lewd eyes, he was staring right into her, overcoming every mental barrier. 'Nothing much.' His rocky voice made it sound so sexy. Draghixa could feel her lady parts getting moist, she had never wanted anyone so much in her life, everything else seemed blurry and in that instant only his body seemed relevant. She stepped forward, strapped her hands around him and she started kissing him. He grabbed her hair with his strong mannish hands and plunged his tongue deep into her mouth. Their mouths were making love, and Draghixa slid her hand over his stomach and made for his crotch, she could feel him getting harder, she caressed his reptile and led him into the room. 'Do you have a condom?' She asked hastily. His hands were around her waist and he muttered into her ear. 'Does it matter?' It did not. Draghixa sloppily got out of her attire, threw away her dress, her breasts were out and he began to massage them. She was moaning, she was glued to him, completely submissive. He took her in his arms and carried her to the large bed. He was licking her nipples and he slid his hand into her panties. 'You're so wet.' 'Fuck me.' He unzipped his pants and let out his huge male organ, she threw away her panties and he was inside her, thrusting harder and harder. She was moaning, and he was kissing her neck, fingering her clit to make her cum. And they came both at the same time. Nancy woke up. It was already nightfall. Across the sand dunes, there was a huge bonfire party unravelling, the music was cacophonic and the pulsating drums made her ears throb. She got up and started packing her bag when a stranger offered to help. 'You've got quite a load of stuff to carry, lady. Mind if I help?' Nancy was elated at the prospect of having someone help her out. 'Gee thanks, I was just wondering how I'd carry all this back to the hotel.' She smirked and the stranger continued in a casual tone. 'I was just at this party,' he pointed toward the bonfire, 'and I was strolling on the beach when I noticed you and you were totally asleep, I came back here to help when I saw you packing up.' 'Aww thank you, how nice of you, what is your name?' 'Ray.' Apprehension Outside the falling rain made a rumbling sound. It woke her up. She was cradled inside his stocky arms and they were both naked. She was seething inside. The downpour muffled the life without and it felt like they were both shipwreck on a lonesome island, the huge bed reeking of alcohol and bodily fluids. She shoved his arm aside and got out of bed. Her clothes were mangled with his on the wooden floor beneath the large bedside table, she paced around it looking for her underwear, the sound of his voice made her jolt. 'Are you looking for this?,' he said nonchalantly, her panties hanging from his hand. She could feel the colour draining from her cheeks, she was cornered, subdued, abused. She was livid that she let herself be wooed by this stranger, she was oblivious to the fact that she was completely naked and she grabbed it, smiled and ran to the bathroom. He followed her, naked, his masculinity monopolising the room. She shunned him, and as the water was dousing onto her, he barged into the shower. 'What are you doing? Just leave me alone.' Draghixa chided, the water had soaked her hair and her cheeks had reddened. 'Okay. But your vagina wants me.' He said, in a jocose manner that irked Draghixa. 'No she doesn't. Leave me alone.' She clenched her firsts and her nostrils were flaring. He looked amused. He stepped forward, took her in his arms and carried her to the sink. His soothing demeanour had eradicated the twinge of guilt that tormented her before, she was spellbound by his moxie, she'd let him overpower her, she'd let him fuck her. Ray and Nancy were at her room, the door was ajar and the sounds emanating from the room had no innocent undertone to them, Nancy peaked in and was mind boggled as to whom the stranger with the obvious gargantuan libido was. She closed the door and turned to face Ray. 'Okay so this is weird, my friend is pretty...busy in there, do you mind if I keep my stuff in your room?' She asked seemingly embarrassed. 'No problem, let's go, it's on the 5th floor.' He smiled and she reckoned he understood what was on her mind. Once in his room, she was astounded by the plethora of artefacts that lay around, he was a savvy man, a connoisseur and apparently a nude art aficionado. She paced around the room savouring the artsy and ethereal pieces in his collection, it seemed he'd been staying at the hotel for quite a while. Meanwhile he was sorting her stock. She sat on the couch mystified by his cultural ubiquity. 'What do you do in life?' She casually asked. 'I'm a pornographer.' 'You're joking ?' She said in a cynical tone. 'No I'm serious, I made a website about edgy porn, we do all sorts of stuff like bdsm, dp, threesomes and so on.' He was not joking. The deadpan look on her face made him laugh. 'Are you really shocked or just repulsed?' He sounded sincere. 'I think it's cool, porn is cool.' 'Great.' He retorted. 'Do you think I could do porn?' She timidly asked. He paused and thought about it, not once, looking at her body. 'Anyone can do porn, people have different kinds of fetishes.' 'That was not my question.' She said softly. 'I know.' He smiled and broke away from the awkward conversation. He went to the mini bar and made a gin tonic for her. As she was sipping the drink, he confided in her. 'I'm an addict,I'm recently divorced and when I saw you lying on the beach, so serene and young, i forgot about everything else, i thought to myself, this is how i want to be, I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages, my ex wife has filed an alimony suit against me, my kids don't even know me.' He sighed and looked Nancy in the eyes. 'Don't ever fuck up.' He was staring into nothingness, lost in his own unbounded personal tragedies, Nancy gently touched his shoulder and he flinched. 'Oh sorry, I didn't mean to depress you.' He frowned and went to the mini bar to make himself a drink. While he was busy mixing up brews, Nancy noticed a golden casket underneath a pillow, she unearthed the treasure, baffled with the intricacies of the egyptian depiction. 'What's in there?' She pointed to the box. 'Drugs.' He smirked and walked towards her, his drowsiness was showing. He sat beside her, the silence was titilating, conveying words they dared not speak. Ray was not drunk on alcohol but drunk on the sight of the lush beauty beside him, she was staring at him, smiling with her eyes. Her lips were shimmering in the faint light, begging him to endow her with a kiss. As he moved to stick his lips to hers, she put a finger onto it, gazed into his grey eyes and startled him with what she said. 'I want to get high.' 'Are you afraid of needles?' His voice was brazen with manliness, she could see that he desired her. 'No, I'm not afraid of...anything.' She smiled and glued her lips to his, he pulled her on his lap, her legs coiled around his hip, her heavy breathing was a turn on for him. She pulled away and ran her fingers in her plush fluffy hair. 'I want to get high, now.' He opened the bejeweled box, and scattered its content on the couch. Nancy was all agog, tipsy and horny for drugs. He stood up and unfurled his belt from his waist. She was exhilarated, a grin emblazoned on her face, impatient for her imminent decadence. He coiled the belt around her arm, she didn't flinch, she was a spectre bearing witness vicariously to the scene that was about to ensue. He scraped her arm, diligently looking for a vein and held onto it. He opened the little flask and emptied it with his needle, Nancy felt the liquid penetrating her arm, it was surreal, dreary and as it sauntered inside her body she could feel the euphoria detonate within her, specks of jubilation quashed her qualms, her inner organs were all in a perpetual orgasm, she was in a blissful spiral, she had tasted the nectar that was heroine. 'How does it feel?' He asked, studying her. 'It's heaven...It's better than having a dick in my pussy, so much better.' Her words trailed off and she was gyrating with pleasure, she had never felt this good before. She looked up at him and realized that she loved him. It was 3 a.m, the rain had not receded, and it had rendered the windshield opaque, this unnerved Big Joe, but for the first time in months they had made progress, they had finally tracked down the rat. The man on the adjacent seat had good news, he was a friend of the mob and was aware of what had transpired months ago. His conviction and spot on description had swayed Big Joe. 'The girls checked in 2 days ago, and first I saw unsure when I saw him, he had checked in under the name of Jean Terapino. Tonight I saw one of the girls with him and he was carrying a heavy bag and I noticed the tattoo on his wrist. I'm sure it's him, I want my 50 percent for this bust.' He smiled from ear to ear, elated that his allegiance to the mob would finally pay off. 'The Boss is pleased.' Big Joe replied and clenched his yellow rotting teeth, savouring the news of the bust. 'I always fuck for good luck it seems.' They both laughed aloud. 'You're a lousy motherfucker, Ewan, a lousy motherfucker good at tracking down rats. The family owes you one.' Big Joe patted him on the back and he got out of the car. Big Joe drove off into the stillness of the night, and as the car disappeared into the smog, Ewan made his way back to the room. When he got there, she was still sleeping, it was a sight to behold, he had abused her in the vilest ways and she played along. 'Women are stupid whores, if not for their cunt, we'd be spitting on them.' The sound of his shoes creaking upon the wooden floor woke her up. 'Hey darling where were you?' She asked, still dizzy from sleep. 'I went outside to look at the rain and to think about us...I think I'm in love with you.' She smiled and he undressed, got underneath the cover and made love to her again. 'Stupid whore,' he thought.